Friday, March 27, 2009

Poo nornalization: The Moralization of Poo

Funny. The road to the normalization of poo. I really don't understand why the people in this sketch are so weirded out.

Phase 1: Understanding that pooing into your hand is normal and everyone should accept that. Phase 2: Understanding that pooing in front of people is OK. Phase 3: Replace or append words in the english language with "poo." Or simply understand everything in life in regards to poo and how poo is connected.

example: "There are many goats on the hillside over there. Do you think they stay on that hillside their entire life?"

CHANGE TO: There are many poogoatspoo on the hillpoo over there. Do you think they stay on that hillpoo their entire poolife?

Go forth! Spread the gos-poo-el!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Seismic Activity

Ok. So there is about to be a big earthquake. My spider sense is tingling.

1 giant volcanic eruption near the island of Tonga.

1 7.9 earthquake near Tonga

1 volcano erupting in Alaska

2 foot deuce dropped in work toilet at 9:00 AM Monday morning. Fueled by 2 days of body magma (AKA Indian food) bubbling in my digestive track.

I hope you have your earthquake survival kits ready.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I've got a secret

My shoes spark muffled echoes on recycled carpet. I walk past the head honcho's office - his head is buried in recycled paper. I whisper, "I've got a secret." He looks up, no one is there.

"Oh, hello Janet," I sprightly blurt out my mouth like verbal shit. Friendly niceties continue as we walk past each other "I've got a secret." I inaudibly mutter under my breath. She acknowledges me with a smile. She knows nothing of the nature of my secret.

My secret lingers, not as a scent, but as a feeling. I walk these halls with phosphorescent shadows identifying only half my face - my other face smiles too. Not for others, but for my secret. The secret feeling that lingers.

Not more than a few moments ago, a chocolate behemoth just passed through my rectum and my anus lips kissed him goodbye on it's journey to the ocean. I can still taste that kiss on my lips. My face eyes close, and i remember our embrace and the last time i saw him.

I never saw him again.

My face eyes open. I'm at work. Busy bees hustle, ignorant to my secret. Ignorant to love. A few hours later, I've forgotten that chocolate behemoth. I'm now captivated with the sensation that lingers from a dozen tiny brown soldiers.

I see my boss.
"...I've got a secret."